I ask myself this every day. "Why am I here"? half my friends go to ivy leagues the other half at big universities playing D1 sports, and me while I am hear at DCCC. I listened to them talk down on community college all of high school so i applied to all four year schools and suprisignly got into them all. I choose Ithaca it was the best school I got into and my boyfriend at the time wanted me to go there because it was right next to cornell where he would be attending. I went in as exploratory (a fancy way of saying undecided) and i coasted through for two years. I went out almost every night and was "friends" with everyone on campus, I was having the time of my life, who needed to study anyway. I knew I wanted to be a special ed teacher and I also knew that wasnt possible at Ithaca because it was not a major but yet i stayed. That summer I went to Africa to volunteer for a month. The whole time in the back of my mind i thought about ithaca and how there was no chance they would let me back the next semester, and my mom recieving that letter and having no way to get in contact with me for a month. Then i went into denial and stayed that way. My mom gave me a week at home to catch up with my friends and family and relive my experiences over and over until that dreadful day came. We both cried, I cried mostly because she was disappointed and you never want to see your mother cried but I had a month to accept this. I spent the rest of the summer in denial told minimal people. One day I got an offer as an assistant teacher for a special ed teacher and it just kind of hit me like wow i need to go back to school and get a degreee, the experience is great but its nothing without a degree. I put off everything in my life I always have I have two 500$ checks that have been sitting in my car since summer that I have yet to deposit... Like why? This class has actually inspired me I have never been on top oh my school work or been eager to write and want to succeed I've been researching for the next step heavily and getting my life on track I have even been bailing on party's and bar nights to do homework which is unheard of in my life. I finally feel like I'm doing it for me! This is my life this is what I want to be doing it and I'm not doing it because my asshole of an ex boyfriend tells me he will dump me unless I get straight As in a four year college that happens to be conviently right next to his school or because my controlling mother says I will be cut off from my trust fund if I drop out. I have found my truth and it's not the same as everyone made it out to be.